Ambassadors of Peace: Cultivating Reconciliation in Our Families, Friendships, and Churches

I have been thinking a lot about the Ministry of Reconciliation that believers have been given — especially in the wake of Charlie Kirk’s assassination.

It has never been more evident that we, as a nation, and we as the Church, are frighteningly polarized.

As a leader, I have already had multiple conversations with dear friends who are confused, angry, or struggling as they sort out their own feelings — especially those who have close family and friends who are not saved or who are wrestling in their faith or land one one side or the other politically. I want to talk about this dynamic from a relational point of view.

HOW can they be instruments of reconciliation with our friends, family and churches when everyone is coming in with guns blazing- when they don’t feel safe to have a conversation?

(Bear with me as I share some thoughts — this might help.  I have to give some backstory to make a point.)

I have four kids — three of whom are now adults. Each of my three older kids, all homeschooled, hit a point in their maturity that, as a parent, was honestly a little frightening.

I was a very intentional mom. I spent a lot of time talking with my kids, reading to them, and living life with them because I wanted them to know how loved they were — that no matter what choices they ever made, my love would be their plumb line. HOPING the intentionality would spare them some struggle.

So it was a bit of a rude awakening when they reached the stage where they needed to discover what they believed which felt a bit like a severing. (See Proverbs 22:6.)

As a mom, I wanted to tell them they didn’t have to wrestle with all of that because I had already wrestled for them. They could learn from my mistakes — but they still had to have their own experiences. (Deuteronomy 6:6–7)

My son Timothy (he’d be OK with me sharing this) spent most of last year trying to figure out what he believed. His journey took him through many ways the Church interprets Scripture — Reformed theology, Orthodoxy, Catholicism, the Charasmatic movememt — and then into the writings of the patristic and early church fathers- that’s when things he’d been wrestling with became clear ( I highly recommend every believer learning church history from as early as BC).

That journey, to say the least, was a challenge for me. Some of the theological perspectives he explored were ones I had already settled in my own beliefs — things I felt strongly about, especially because a former religious mindset had nearly wrecked my faith. When he wanted to debate those points, I really wrestled with fear and the urge to put him in his place. (Colossians 3:21)

But I’d already learned something from another one of my children when she was making choices I knew would cause her pain. I tried putting on my “mama bear” pants to stop her, but discovered the louder I roared, the faster she ran.

Then one day, when I was so heartbroken I thought my physical heart might actually break, the Lord gave me a picture: Jesus in the Jordan River — and then on the Mount of Transfiguration. Both times, the Father spoke over Him: “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” (Matthew 3:17; Matthew 17:5)

God whispered to my heart, “Anna, whether your kids are in the lowest valley or on the mountaintop of success, speak value over them.”

That changed everything. I became a safe place for my kids to wrestle without immediately telling them they were wrong or trying to convince them that the direction they were heading had some errors. It taught me how to pray for them effectively, how to trust God with them, and how to remember that He loves them more than I ever could. I can partner with Him — or I can become a stumbling block. (Philippians 1:6)

When I have conversations with people wrestling with things that might affect our relationship — I’ve learned that trying to convince someone who isn’t ready only builds walls. (James 1:19–20)

Instead, I lay down my right to be right and hit the reset button: What do we have in common? Where can we agree? From there, relationship can grow. (Philippians 2:3–5)

There’s a beautiful word in Hebrew: peace. It’s the last thing Jesus bequeathed to His disciples: “My peace I leave with you.” (John 14:27)

In Hebrew, each letter has a meaning or picture association. Peace (shalom) is spelled with a Shin, Lamed, Vav, and Mem. Put together, the pictures describe “destroying the authority that establishes chaos.” (Romans 12:18)

2 Corinthians 5:18–20 tells us we were reconciled to God through Christ. Reconciled (katallassō) means “to change back into.”

Reading the patristic fathers makes this clearer: the early Church didn’t view sin as merely a legal transaction. They saw it as a disease, a sickness that imprisoned the whole kosmos — something no one born into it could heal themselves from. Because of Adam, every first breath was infected; all were “dead men walking.” (Romans 5:12)

It took One perfect, fully healed Man to set the captives free. Our incarnate Son of God, Jesus. (Luke 4:18)

Jesus came to reveal the heart of God — that Elohim, Father, Son and Spirit wanted their kids back.

In the garden, when God appeared after Adam and Eve sinned, it was Adam who hid, thinking God would be angry. But God showed up, clothed them with skins from a sacrifice He Himself provided. (Genesis 3:21)

Sometimes we get this mixed up- we believe God was angry with Adam and cast him out. He did nothing of the sort if we read the story right.

Jesus came near to the sinful and broken. Jesus came and showed us who the Father is. “If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father.” (John 14:9) He is Emmanuel, God with us. And in his death and resurrection, he rescued us from the prison of sin and death. (Hebrews 2:14–15)

Athanasius, a third century Patristic Father wrote: “By dying with His arms spread wide, Jesus embraced all of humanity in a posture of unconditional love and mercy.”

So what does this mean for our ministry of reconciliation?

For most of us — those without big platforms which allow us to say strong things — it means giving our loved ones space to wrestle until they can land on the one true thing that clears up confusion. It means being vessels of peace: the authority that breaks through chaos. (Ephesians 4:1–3)

For pastors and leaders who have to say strong things publicly, we run the risk of alienating those who don’t see things that way. We have to remember to leave room for dialogue. This happens with relationship- being accessible to those who call us their leader (harder done than said, I know… but it need to start with you). (1 Peter 5:2–3)

For me, as a friend, mom and leader, it looks like laying down my right to be right when face to face with friends and listening. I’m seated in heavenly places; I know how God feels about me, so I don’t have to prove or earn anything. I can bring that spiritual confidence into the conversation. (Ephesians 2:6)

It looks like hugging the one brave enough to admit they’re struggling, reminding them they have permission to wrestle, and helping them reset the button toward reconciliation.

One last thing, if you’ve made it this far:

Part of reconciliation is offering the greatest gift humanity has ever received from our benevolent God — forgiveness.

Jesus told His disciples to proclaim the forgiveness of sins. (Luke 24:47)

Forgiveness (aphesis) means “to put away.” Jesus put away the sin of the world. He became sin so that we might become His righteousness — (the state of one who is as they ought to be.) (2 Corinthians 5:21)

If we can set aside the legalistic lens that frames sin and righteousness only as a transaction, we might better hear Jesus’ heart.

We have the chance to see the world as humanity drowning in a toxic sea — people thrashing to survive, unaware that their Rescuer has already secured their salvation. We must see their need and toss the lifeline of Jesus’ finished work. God wants His kids back — help them!

That’s the reset button.

Forgiveness is not ignoring what happened. It doesn’t tolerate or excuse wrong. It isn’t forgetting or pretending.

Forgiveness is letting go of a debt the offender cannot pay — because Jesus already paid it. (Colossians 2:13–14)

It’s an account settled in the heart: Paid in full by Jesus’ name and His blood.

It says, “Nobody owes me anything — not even an apology — because there’s nothing left on a closed debtor’s account.”

When we can first settle the wrestling of our own hearts and receive God’s reconciling love, we can offer that to those we love ( which begs another question… DO you love the one who seems opposed to you? If not, start THERE.) (1 John 4:19–21)

By the way, this goes BOTH ways. Leaders need to provide space for people to wrestle- how we approach the conversation matters. We can have a “my-way-or the highway” approach which will certainly alienate, or we can have a “help me understand” healing conversation. Likewise, if you are a “follower,” and your leader says something you don’t understand or don’t like, WHY would you leave the relationship without providing a bridge of healing and understanding? That’s equally unfair to a leader who is also a person with the same emotions you have. Walking a mile in someone else’s shoes is love. (Galatians 6:2) As a person who has served in ministry as a front-person and as a support person, I find it appalling that we treat the church the same way as a casual dating relationship- ghosting leaders when we don’t like something they say or we find a “shinier” church or a group of people we’d rather hang out with. Pastors give every part of their lives to serve the body- to treat them and their families as a commodity should be seen for what it is- abandonment. Likewise, leaders who don’t value their congregants are equally wrong. Let’s do better.

“Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!”  Psalm 133:1

Note: don’t hear what I am not saying. This is a post about how to come to the table to restore peace in relationships. I am not saying we don’t challenge evil or that we don’t pray… Far from that. I'm also not saying the murdering of Charlie Kirk should be ignored either. I am desiring to offer help with the tensions that could potentially destroy relationships.

The earnest prayers of a righteous person are powerful and effective! (James 5:16)