It is Finished. Chapter Four. Forgiven.
I had been home all day with our one-year-old daughter, and had just sat her down for dinner. Laura had been exploring sensory toys that day, so I thought spaghetti noodles would be a fun continuation. My husband worked odd hours as a youth pastor, so I never knew if he would be home for our evening meal. Being the type of man who relaxed best if things were tidy and put away, I tried to make the house comfortable for him so that he could enjoy time with us after a long day at work. That day, he came home, a little early, to a very messy little girl and a kitchen floor strewn with noodles. Needless to say, his frustration and mine met with a clash. In that moment, I was an unhappy wife, and I let him know it. What’s wrong with a little mess? It could be cleaned up. To me, joy and memories were more important than tidiness.
I’ve never been great at arguing—my brain tends to shut down in high-pressure moments. I started to cry and went into our bedroom to collect myself before I said something I would regret, escaping to the closet to let it all out. As I sat there crying, I could hear him cleaning up the mess on the other side of the wall. I began to pray—it was the only thing that calmed me. At first, I complained to God about the husband He had given me. But eventually, I began to process my emotions with the help of the Spirit.
I felt His presence calm my emotions, and then His gentle voice assured me of His love and reminded me of the forgiveness I had been given in Christ. Suddenly, the “right” to be angry faded away, and a willingness to approach my husband with humility seemed possible. I did something that didn’t come naturally to me—I approached him first and asked him to forgive me for being thoughtless and reacting defensively (instead of waiting for him to make the first move). That small act was not easy at first, but it brought peace and unity. It was a freedom that marked the beginning of a habit that has led to a healthier marriage.
Unforgiveness
Making the move toward healing in relationships through forgiveness releases us from bondages we don’t even realize we’ve placed upon ourselves and others. Unforgiveness traps us in a cell with our trauma, taunting us with instability, fear, shame, and emotional turmoil. It can also make us bitter, controlling, and difficult to be around.
Unforgiveness often manifests in ways we don’t recognize, such as control, passive aggression, blame-shifting, and an inability to take personal responsibility. It can also affect our physical health. I’ve noticed that when I experience emotional trauma, I sometimes develop back or knee pain. It’s my body’s way of telling me there’s something unresolved in my heart.
We often believe unforgiveness is justified because the hurt was deliberate, premeditated, or repeated. But sometimes, we don’t even realize we’re carrying unforgiveness until we’re triggered by a memory, a name, or a familiar tone—and our body reacts before we can catch our breath.
But when we live in active forgiveness, we become emotionally stable. Forgiveness doesn’t make the pain less real—it makes us free emotionally. Spiritually, we are already free in Christ. Still, we often become trapped in emotional baggage because we don’t live out what we have been given. More often, we don’t realize what we have been given because of something that has plagued us since Adam and Eve ate of the fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil—the fear of punishment.
What Is Forgiveness?
Before Jesus ascended, He gave His disciples this instruction:
“Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and on the third day rise from the dead, and that repentance for the forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in his name to all nations.” —Luke 24:46–47
The Greek word Jesus used for forgiveness is aphesis, which means “to send away,” “to release,” or “to dismiss.” Forgiveness means to let go of sin as if it had never been committed. Let’s take a careful look at the depth of meaning behind forgiveness.
Some people believe that when we sin, fellowship with God is broken, and we have to get back into forgiveness—that we go into darkness away from His presence. Have you ever heard that you must “keep short accounts with God?” This idea keeps us in cycles of guilt and shame.
“But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.” —1 John 1:7
Notice that John says, “if we walk in the light…” He doesn’t say, “if we walk according to the light.” Many have misunderstood this verse to mean that we only walk in the light as long as we behave like God behaves—“as He is.” In other words, as long as we don’t sin and behave “as He is,” the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin. But that doesn’t make sense. Why would we need the blood of Jesus to cleanse us from sin if we don’t sin? And the only way to stay in the light would be to never sin.
“The blood of Jesus cleanses us from ALL sin.” The Greek verb cleanses is in the present active indicative tense, meaning that the blood is effective right now—forever cleansing, forever keeping us in the light.
In other words, it is not about how we are walking. It’s about where we are walking.
I Am the Light of the World
The Gospel of John contains one of my favorite stories, which I return to again and again: the familiar story of the woman caught in the act of adultery. When this woman is brought before Jesus—
John 8:10–11 – “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”
The power to “go and sin no more” is in the “Neither do I condemn you!”
Jesus didn’t use the law with this woman. He didn’t bring up the commandment, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” He didn’t shame her. The others wanted her to feel shame. They wanted to stone her. The stones represent the law. They wanted to throw the law at her—to throw the book at her and kill her with condemnation.
But Jesus was preoccupied with her freedom from condemnation, not her sin.
And then, in the context of defending this woman from those who wanted to use the law to condemn her, Jesus said—
John 8:12 – “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”
Where were they to follow? Where was Jesus headed? If they followed Him, where would He lead them? Remember: “I have come to do Your will, O God.” He was on assignment from His Father, headed to the cross, where He would bear our sin and shame.
All of our sin and shame would go in the grave with Him, and He would rise again without it, carrying us from darkness to light.
Colossians 1:13–14 tells us: “He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.”
We already have forgiveness. We have already been delivered and conveyed into the kingdom of God. We have already been redeemed. The work was done at the cross!
What Jesus was saying when He spoke of walking in the light was this: “The place of no condemnation in Me is the place of light! And you don’t need to be afraid of that light anymore, because when you step into that light, it doesn’t expose your sin. It only reveals the perfection of My blood, which removed those sins. He who follows Me to the cross can never walk in darkness.”
Today, for the believer who is in Christ, it is impossible for your spirit—your true identity—to be in darkness away from God, because your spirit is forever joined to His.
As long as Jesus doesn’t sin and Jesus doesn’t die—neither of which will ever happen—you are joined to Him in the Spirit. You have already been conveyed into the kingdom of God’s beloved Son.
In John 13:1, John wrote that Jesus loved His disciples until the end. The end of what?
The end of themselves! Jesus loved them even when they abandoned Him, misunderstood His mission, and denied Him. When we fail, legalism tells us that God is angry with us, that we haven’t truly changed, that we can’t trust our hearts. It even says, “You may not even be saved.” But the work of Christ says, “Absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us” (Romans 8:29, The Message).
Walking in Darkness
The Apostle John later wrote more about the light vs the darkness. In 1 John 1:6, he wrote, “If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not know the truth.”
Using an analogy to help us understand this verse, let’s say little Johnny was headed outside to play. As he was leaving, He got distracted by the cookies on the countertop, which were for his dessert later that evening. Before he knew it, he had not eaten just one, which would still have been disobeying, he ate ten cookies! Just as Johnny was making his escape, his Dad came into the kitchen and took one look at Johnny's face and asked him if he had eaten the cookies, but Johnny said no, with chocolate all over his face. Clearly, he is deceiving himself and not his father. Johnny could have made things simple by confessing, but now he's lying.
This is what this verse is telling us. We have a good Father who will wash the chocolate off our faces, clean us, and send us off to play.
When someone refuses to admit they have done wrong, they deceive themselves. (Healthy people are not afraid of asking questions and making things right)
In verse 9, John comforts us with this: “he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.”
He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.”
Forgiveness is the diamond of the Gospel. Christianity is about forgiveness. After Jesus’ death and resurrection, He instructed His followers to declare “repentance for the forgiveness of sins” (Luke 24:47).
Jesus enacted a covenant of forgiveness when His blood was shed. This is what the New Covenant is about.
Forgiveness is the Greek word aphesis, which means “to release from bondage or imprisonment,” “to let go,” or “to dismiss a debt or obligation as if it had never existed.”
“I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven for His name’s sake.” —1 John 2:12
John speaks of forgiveness in the past tense. We are not forgiven as we go or in installments. We are not working toward being forgiven. We are not forgiven sometime in the future. All our sins—past, present, and future—were paid for at the cross.
God does not hold our sins against us. We were justified—“just as if I have never sinned.”
When the bank forgives a debt, the debt has been paid. The wages (the debt) of sin is death. Jesus has paid the debt of death with His own blood—and He did it “while we were yet sinners” (Romans 5:18).
Redemption
Ephesians 1:7 – In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.
1 Peter 1:18-19 – you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot.
To redeem means “to buy back.” Biblically, it means Jesus saved or delivered us from sin and its consequences. Redemption freed us from the curse of the law of sin and death.
Before redemption, we were slaves to sin, which made us sinners by nature. We were in a prison called sin, and there was nothing we could do to free ourselves.
“You were bought with a price [you were actually purchased with the precious blood of Jesus and made His own].” —1 Corinthians 6:20 (AMP)
Now we are in a “prison” of righteousness—HIS eternal righteousness. The prison bars are His loving arms. Nothing you could ever do will change that. If we have even the slightest understanding of the price Jesus paid, we must also understand the high cost of our sin, the exceeding sinfulness of sin (Romans 7:13).
Jesus’ blood made it possible for us to be comfortable in God’s presence with no hesitation—the kind of hesitation that sin would have produced. Guilt, shame, condemnation, or any of the constraints of past sins will keep us from living out our purpose and identity in Jesus. But now we can be assured in calling ourselves God’s beloved children and confidently say:
“I am not a sinner. I may sin, but sinner is not who I am. That is not my nature or identity.”
Jesus put us in a position to receive all of God’s benefits. The first thing we receive is forgiveness, which is His mercy. Jesus took what we deserved so that we could take what He deserves—His grace, the favor we could never earn.
First receive the mercy, then you can receive the grace.
Do you realize that God forgave our sins for His own sake?
Isaiah 43:25 – “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins.”
If you find it hard to receive His benefits for your sake, receive them for His! It blesses Him when we receive the forgiveness of sins.
Why?
Because it honors the Son, and because we will live out and enjoy what He always desired for us: a dynamic, fulfilling love relationship with Him.
Before the New Covenant was cut, Jesus once said, “If you forgive, you will be forgiven.” Contrast that with what He said after He rose again:
“If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.” —John 20:23
The word withhold is krateo, which means “to have power over.”
Remember, to forgive means “to put away.” As believers, we have been given a command to forgive; it’s no longer optional. “To put away” is to unplug the power that once held you captive.
Forgive from the Heart
Our hearts can be deceitful, wise, hard, soft, clean, believing, broken, or offended.
We have a responsibility to steward our hearts.
The Hebrew word for heart is lev, spelled with a lamed (which looks like a shepherd’s staff) and a beyt (pictured as a tent).
A staff is an instrument of authority over the sheep. It can comfort, protect, discipline, control, and guide. Our tongues are instruments of authority too, carrying the power of life and death according to Scripture. The beyt is the first word in Scripture: “In the beginning.” Your heart is the place from which your life is directed.
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” —Proverbs 4:23
The problems we face in relationships often stem from our hearts.
Jesus should be the one who influences our hearts. If He isn’t the primary influencer, the world, our flesh, and the enemy will be.
To prevent our hearts from being led astray, we must “put away” offense. When you forgive, you are making space for more of God.
Steward your heart like a shepherd stewards his sheep.
Personal Responsibility
“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. 15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace…What causes quarrels, and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions (desires) are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask.” James3:14-18 ,4:1-2
If you discover that you are offended, ask yourself this very important question:
“What is it that I want that I am not getting?”
Or if someone is offended with you, ask:
“How am I contributing to the problem?”
You may be surprised that by answering that question, you can offer the greatest gift toward reconciliation: forgiveness.
“A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” —Galatians 6:7–9
When you offer forgiveness, you also release your right to judge:
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” —Luke 6:37–38
What Forgiveness Is Not
Forgiveness does not ignore what happened.
It does not tolerate wrong.
It is not excusing the hurt.
It is not forgetting or pretending.
It is not reconciliation.
What Forgiveness Is
Forgiveness receives what Jesus paid for and releases the one who owes a debt they cannot pay. It erases that debt as “paid in full.”
Forgiveness is an account settled in the heart—paid in full by Jesus’ name and His blood.
You can say, “Nobody owes me anything (not even an apology), because there is nothing to settle on a closed debtor’s account.”
Prayer of Forgiveness
Think of the one you need to forgive and say this prayer:
“You owed me protection and love; you did not give it to me. I release you from the debt you cannot pay. I forgive you.”
And then bless them— you cannot hate the ones you pray for.